if you could see what i see, you wouldnt try to mess with me

im so proud.
dont be proud of me, just let me be proud of me.
trust me, this is an acheivement in itself.

i stopped myself dead in my tracks today- TWICE.
sure, you might not know what i mean, but when youre in a car, plunging down a hill with no brakes at top speed, and you manage to stop without hitting anything in doing so, its a fucking accomplishment. so trust me on this, i have a right to be proud today.

not that today was a fantastic day, me being the only one actually working for a change.

i have my old perfume back. it reminds me of australia, we the kings and summer in general- last summer in fact. it may not have been a great summer, but there were great things about it, and this smell just takes me right back there. i like being able to remember things. makes a bit of a change. the only things that can jog my memory are scents and music. so i like that. i use it when i can also.

i have regrets.
sort of. i mean, there are aspects of events that i regret, which makes my future different, possibly for the worse, but i in no way regret the whole thing. if i could go back i would do it again. maybe not in the same way/place, but i would still do it. i have come so very far.
not to say im not still struggling. god no. i struggle to get out of bed everyday, and not due to being tired.

in saying that, i am tired. my eyes are sore and itchy and begging for several litres of water. on that note, i will go and a)fill my waterbottle and b) go to bed.